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I accept. Of all the respondents who provided an opinion about their experience Born again dating online using Christian dating sites:. Experience of using a dating site depends on what the intention was and whether it had been met. If, for example, it was to meet friends and that had been successful, then there is a different response to someone hoping to meet a marriage partner but was still looking.
Those that had used a site said that you need to invest time and effort into it and to have courage in being willing to communicate and meet people. Drivers and inhibitors included:. Some thought aloud about the way they thought God worked in the world and about whether it was OK to use a dating site or not from a Christian perspective.
Takes a lot of energy and courage. They sometimes appeared to set their pro-activity against God's will for them. I'd rather wait for His best. If He knows I am to meet someone on the Internet, then so be it. However I have personally been selective about who I have told, because some Christians I know disapprove and think that if it's God's will, it should happen without us being proactive like that, especially as the woman I want to tell them not to apply for any jobs next time Born again dating online are unemployed, because if God means them to have a job, they can just sit in the house and wait for him to bring them one!!
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Difficult though, because those who need to hear it won't listen! Were I to hear my husband had died, I would go for it whole-heartedly. A strong positive driver to ing an online dating service was knowing others who had success in their use of online dating.
Well, so far anyway!
I tend to liken it to giving your details to a job agency, which is exactly where all the jobs are! There's such a pitiful lack of forums for meeting up with other single Christians. There were some comments about a shopping mentality and that selecting people to approach was choosing by appearance.
Some commented that they experienced they became 'judgemental' in selecting or not selecting people with whom they might begin an online conversation.
Others were criticised for expecting perfection. I also am aware that what I think I want isn't necessarily what I need Didn't like the person I became, 'boy shopping' based on photos and a few stats. Plus the potential for disappointment when eloquent writers fail to match that with conversation. Most of the specific comments covered the desire to meet more face to face, in events, Christian holidays and so on.
They expressed that it was more natural to meet in person, or for eyes to meet across a room.
All dating sites have the problem that you get to know the facts, but not the person — the opposite way round to when you meet people in real life. Would prefer meeting someone face to face! I think everyone just puts their best points forward on a dating site, and for some people their hopes could be raised too high.
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I find it more natural to meet at an event or short holiday — I would want to see how a man interacts with others of both sexes there! I'm limited as I struggle financially. I also do not feel comfortable waving at a bunch of Born again dating online or initiating a lot of conversation. Some people commented on the difference between a dating site that is Christian and one that is not.
In other words, they applied 'Christian' as an adjective to the dating site itself, rather than to those who are intended to use it. Within a generally positive view which one would expect given the survey sampleeight had expectations that a Christian dating sites might filter out some members, for example those that lie and separated or divorced 3 people.
Others wanted to see adverts that might appear filtered even though these are usually under the control of their Web browserand the remainder focused on expectations around responding to complaints. I contacted the website, no response to any of my concerns.
It doesn't help when people lie about themselves. It really wasn't something I expected from a Christian dating site and really put me off. I had hoped that men on Christian sites would be more considerate etc but that is clearly not the case. Making a direct comparison with other sites, eight said that they thought a Christian dating site was essentially the same as one without that label. Fifteen said they preferred to meet Christians on non-Christian sites, because of:. They say Christian dating sites attract weird people!
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The Christian sites tend to reflect the same problems of the Church. There were some differences in expectation from a dating site in terms of what it offers, including:. There were also suggestions for additional functionality. Like any tool or service, people find a variety of ways to use a dating service. Some expressed concern people were there to form relationships, others rejoicing in the intentionality to do so.
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And who knows one day I may find someone this way! Different women said that men were only looking for wives, that they were only looking for sex, and that they were only looking for friendship. It takes too much time and effort with little fruition.
Plus they are all looking for a wife! The usual Christian obsession with marriage rearing its head again. What's wrong with looking for a girlfriend?! I tried several sites and saw the same profiles on each site. After several months away from the site I returned and Born again dating online the same men still looking. There are more women than men on these sites so it was strange to see this. Having met some of the men in person it is no surprise that they are still single. I think people on the Christian sites are not serious in their search for a marriage partner, they seem to be more interested in using the site to widen their group of friends and acquaintances.
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I no longer use the site but look at the discussion boards. Sometimes they have very lively debates going on.
I think it's much better for meeting people than in church — there's a level of intentionality that often doesn't exist in other Christian settings and people online have often given much more thought to what they are looking for, which makes for some very positive connections and a fun dating experience. I kind of used it more as a way to meet up with Born again dating online locally as quickly as possible as I am much more of a face-to-face person.
In reflecting about their use of dating sites and how it would help them, 10 made suggestions about what functionality would help them. Additional ones that are similar can be inferred from the comparison of non-Christian dating sites. I had a slight interest but no way of initial communication other than set response. Could there be some almost help in addition to the general FAQ stuff for those who wish it, and some of the etiquette — if one has a conversation going and then Born again dating online few days elapse, how do you play it? It's great on many levels but not always for dates : The facility to perhaps start a topic anonymously so that posters wouldn't be able to see what areas you are personally struggling with would be good.
Difficult to decide. Wish they had videos as I would like to listen to them first. In total, 42 respondents commented about the 'Christian-ness' of people on Christian dating sites. I feel there would be benefit to allowing users to present themselves as happy committed Christians which I would consider myself to be without necessarily appearing as candidates for full-time ministry which I'm not.
I am concerned that others may be too strict in their beliefs. The largest category of specific comment was about the need for potential partners to be local.
I was on Fusion for three months and in that time one person wrote to me. I could go on! The first time it was Born again dating online successful, but later I met someone who has become a very dear long-term friend, making my life much more interesting and enjoyable. People often live quite a distance away from where I am. I don't have a car and having been in long distance relationships ly I don't really want to be another.
It's not always practical to move house or job or travel. A lot of Christian Introduction Companies state that 'distance should not be an obstacle' - it definitely is. As a result of experience with online dating sites, many made generalisations about the other gender.
There were disproportionately more generalised comments made about men by women than made by men about women. General approbation included adjectives about men such as 'timid', 'needy', 'boring and a bit pathetic', 'poor calibre' and 'weird guys and losers'.
Particularly for those women over 40, they noted that men were 'unrealistic' in wanting someone either ' years younger' or '20 years younger' with whom to have children. In real life, I am a popular guy and don't have too many problems getting dates, but most girls I contacted on Christian Connection just were not willing to give anything a chance — and often just openly admitted that they were not ready.
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Comments that thoughtfully reflected Born again dating online own individual behaviour or attitudes were further analysed. The majority of these noted the time and effort involved and how they had probably not invested enough or were not willing to do so.
The second most frequent reflection by women was about the fear of dating, many ing up but hiding their profiles so that they could not be found. I don't have the courage to contact men via the Internet. It has been quite expensive and time consuming. Perhaps there is something wrong with me but they won't tell me. There were more concerns about courtesy of making a response than complaints about sex, rudeness or other comments about behaviour.