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Dating after divorce can be a minefield for the midlife woman.


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Tokyo Olympics: Get the full schedule, events and where to watch. Divorce is one of the most traumatic events we go through, and when we reach the proverbial "light at the end of the tunnel," many of us feel that little spring in our step and start to think about dating again. So how can you start off on the right foot when you're just beginning to dip your toes back into the dating pool?

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When it comes to the most stressful life eventsresearchers rank divorce as two, right after the death of a spouse or child and before being imprisoned or having a health crisis —and for good reason.

It goes without saying that ending a marriage can make you rethink everything you thought you knew about love—and sometimes, even, yourself. In fact, experts say that getting divorced in your 40s, or 50s, can actually improve the quality of your future relationships.

Here's why dating a divorced woman is both a good idea and a bad idea

It can help you figure out what you really want in your next partner. Ready to meet people? Before you start dating, here are some ground rules for finding a match worthy of you in the Tinder era.

When returning to dating after a longtime monogamous relationship particularly one that ended badlycraving the excitement of a spark-filled romance is understandable. But Gandhi says you shouldn't discount a "slow burn.

Dating a divorced woman: must-know tips

Chemistry, especially for women, can grow over time—and may take many dates to begin to grow! Gandhi points to her own simmer-to-boil relationship with her husband, who she was friends with for six years before they began dating. Be patient with yourself and take all the time you need.

But if you're looking for your next relationship, considering every step carefully is key, according to Walfish. This is especially true for women who are in perimenopause or menopause, as hormonal changes can make sex more difficult—which is why having a patient, loving partner who is just as focused on your pleasure as their own can be an important part of the moving on process, she says.

Never are you more in need of validation and affection than after ending a serious relationship.

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Walfish says. They're flawless. It may sound counter-intuitive, but if they check every single box on your list, shower you with gifts, text or call all the time, push for quick commitment, make incredible promises, or want to be the only person in your life, you may be dealing with someone who is looking to control you. That mind sound a little dramatic—and sure, there's a chance you really have landed royalty—but Walfish points out that the harsh reality is there are a lot of people out there who aim to take advantage of women, and being in your 40s or 50s doesn't Divorced womans guide to dating you immune.

One way to stay safe? Get regular reality checks from close friends and loved ones who can offer an outside perspective of your situation.

Martinez says. Many of us jump immediately into new relationships only to find ourselves making the same mistakes. Talk it through with a therapist or trusted friend.

One thing Dr. Walfish says is a necessity for women of all ages is a good therapist. A good counselor can help you work through all your complicated feelings and create a solid foundation for love, she adds. Walfish explains. One thorny example that women in their 50s need to consider is retirement s, she says.

Too many people will dodge the fact that they have young children, worrying that it will drive potential dates away. When and what to tell your children is largely dependent on their age, Dr. Teens and adult children can be brought into the conversation sooner.

Just be sure to answer their questions completely but without giving the extra details you reserve for your wine nights with your friends, Dr. Of course, there are naturally always exceptions to the rule. WilliamsMSW, a relationship therapist. In addition, listening is a proven way to make yourself more attractive to others, as they will feel special and heard.

That said, if they're not listening to you or worse, not asking questions that could be a cause for concern. Walfish suggests.

Ready to start dating again? 15 tips for getting back in the game after divorce

When it comes to taking your online interactions into the real world, there is no hard and fast rule about when to meet, but make sure safety is your one priority, says Walfish. If you have a bad gut feeling, end the date early. On the other hand, if your instincts say that they've got potential, don't be shy about saying you'd like to see them again. Your Best Life. Type keyword s to search. Getty Images Getty Images.

Know that chemistry doesn't always mean a long-term connection. Make sure you're actually over your ex and ready to date.

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