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What questions should you ask him before giving your blessing? Listen as Dr. I knew it the day she was born.
I took her in my arms and rocked her. I looked into her eyes. And then, before I knew it, I was faced with another first: A young man asking me if he could make my princess his queen. Caleb asked for my permission before he even proposed — a wonderful gesture. But when he asked me, I was filled with a jumble of emotions: happiness and gratitude and, yes, a little sadness. But I also felt the same overwhelming sense of protectiveness I had felt from my very first moment with Taylor. I Fathers rules for dating my son I needed to ask Caleb some tough questions. What should you ask when a young man wants to marry your daughter?
Even before having this critical conversation with a young man, you should — if possible — talk with three people:. Make sure that she has a peace about the young man. Does she want to marry him?
12 questions every father should ask his future son-in-law
Does she have any concerns? Does she feel tense, confused, uneasy or pressured to become engaged?
You want to know that she is paying attention to her gut and feels that getting married to this young man is the right decision. I fall in love with you more and more with every day I get to spend with you.
It's cool if you're not a woman, and 9 other rules for dating my son
I am constantly finding out new things to love about you, and it is just the most incredible gift to get to be loved in return by my best friend. Fathers rules for dating my son want to live every day of this crazy life with you by my side. I have never been so sure about anything else. What does your wife think about this young man? Does she support this engagement? Accept her influence, and if she raises some issues, talk them over with the man when you talk with him. Ask her to write a letter of blessing, too. My wife, Erin, wrote one to Caleb, offering her unconditional support:.
I see what a good fit you are for our daughter and that not only are you good for her — but she is also good for you. I love how you care for each other and how you love each other.
I love your sense of humor and that you fit right into our family. I especially love that you have loved not only our daughter, but also our entire family. Even if your family is on board, is his? What do they think of your daughter? Do they support this engagement? Do they have any concerns? If his parents are not in the picture, ask him Fathers rules for dating my son the name of his pastor, mentor or a close friend — someone he has turned to for advice and someone who knows him well.
When Caleb asked for my blessing, he was living in a different state. So I had him fly to meet me at a marriage seminar that I was teaching. This conversation was too important to have over the phone. Caleb and I talked several times that weekend. One night we went out to a local restaurant and I ordered some Cajun fried oysters for us. When I was slurping down an oyster, however, the mollusk got its revenge. Was it foreshadowing of things to come? Did it mean that Caleb was a pearl of a future son-in-law?
Or that he might cause my daughter pain, like the pearl caused me pain?
I decided that how Caleb dealt with my questions — 12 big, important, overarching questions — might hold the answer. So once my tooth stopped throbbing, I started asking the questions. You can also jump to a list of just the questions at the bottom of this article.
There is no such thing as a soul mate or the one — the ideal person God picked just for you. Although 1 Corinthians NIV is talking about second marriages after a woman is widowed, it suggests we have free will when selecting a mate. Has he accepted Christ as his Savior?
Is he pursing a daily relationship with Christ? Is he a Christian but has fallen away from his faith? How did you handle that season? When I asked Caleb this question, his answer shocked me initially. So, early on in our relationship, Taylor and I agreed to wait until we were married to fully develop our spiritual intimacy.
I sat there staring at Caleb, looking for some that he was feeding me a line — like a new-generation Eddie Haskell. But he was sincere.
It was really hard not to like this kid! You want to be certain that he understands he is making a covenant before God. You want to make sure that he values their differences and sees how their individual strengths and weaknesses complement each other. Does he value honesty?
Your daughter’s mother
Do they both generally want the same things out of life? Biblically speaking, a man must be able to support and provide for his family 1 Timothy What are his career goals?
Is he bringing debt into the relationship? If so, what are his plans for getting out of it? Is he financially independent now, or does he have plans to be soon? Newlyweds should be financially independent from their parents.
When I talked with Caleb, he still had one year left in college as an engineering major. Caleb assured me that he and Taylor had put a lot of thought into their financial plan for the time when he would be finishing his degree.
As he explained the details, I felt comfortable with their plan. He read some of my online articles and perused a book that Erin and I had written for engaged couples called Ready to Wed. This question gets at maturity level.
Is he growing and moving forward in dealing with his weaknesses? What are his experiences with pornography, alcohol, abuse or any other sensitive issues that many of us grapple with? Is he still emotionally entangled with a past romance? Does he have children from a relationship? He needs to feel safe in order to open up and deal with this question honestly and directly.
Rules for dating *my* son:
Be respectful. But why? Ask him if your daughter is one of his best friends. Ask if they allow each other space to be individuals — to be sincerely transparent with each other and reveal who they are inside. Communication is the lifeblood of a marriage.
How well do your daughter and her prospective husband communicate? Ask him what they talk about. Or do they talk about deeper emotional issues? Does he understand this? More importantly, how do he and your daughter manage conflict? Is he respectful and loving when they disagree? Does he value her point of view and emotions? Are they able to repair their relationship in a reasonable amount of time after a fight?