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One night, after too many whiskey sours, the conversation among a group of my closest friends and I turned to sex. We're not a judge-y group, nor are we bashful when it comes to providing the intimate details of our sex lives.


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Like a bottle of fine wine, great sex takes time.

When I surveyed more than 4, Americans about their sexual fantasies for my book Tell Me What You Wantrough sex turned out to be one of the two most common things people had fantasized about. Most people—regardless of gender and sexual orientation—appear to have been turned on by the idea at some point.

Interestingly, women are even more likely to view this kind of porn than are men. A recent study published in the journal Evolutionary Psychological Science offers some answers. Researchers surveyed college students in New York about their attitudes toward and experiences with consensual rough sex.

In fact, people seemed to really be enjoying this kind of sex. Plus, women said that they orgasm much faster when they have rough sex.

Among the most common triggers were trying something new, boredom, and playing out a fantasy. This tells us that rough sex is often just about feeding our need for sexual novelty.

Humans—men and women alike—have a tendency to grow tired of sexual routines. We need to keep mixing things up in order to maintain sexual excitement, a phenomenon sex researchers refer to as The Coolidge Effect. The authors of this study interpret these through the same evolutionary lens: When men perceive a risk that their female partner has had sex with someone else, this triggers sperm competition.

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In other words, it le men to engage in sexual behaviors—like deep and vigorous thrusting—aimed at displacing any semen that may have been deposited by rival men so that their own sperm have a better shot at fertilization. Drinking alcohol was another common trigger, which makes sense: Alcohol simultaneously lowers sexual inhibitions and dulls sexual sensations.

This combination of factors ups the odds of trying something you might not otherwise do while sober, while also experimenting with more intense activities in order to counteract the depressing effect that alcohol has on our sexual system which includes suppressing arousal and delaying orgasm. These triggers can be explained by something psychologists call excitation transferwhich occurs when carryover arousal from one situation amplifies our arousal or excitement in an unrelated situation.

Instead, it turns out that there are a lot of different factors that draw people to it.

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The key thing to take away from this is that rough sex appears to be a normative sexual interest and we need to be very careful to distinguish it from sexual violence and relationship abuse. Rough sex is not exploitative—it is consensual and the people who have it are reporting an intense, mutually enjoyable experience.

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If you're into rough sex, you're definitely not alone. So why is rough sex arousing to so many people, and especially to women? You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site.

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