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I know when you're single and don't want to be, it seems like the end of the world like it's too late and this is the state of things forever. But in reality, we all have some burden to when we date.

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Yes, yours is a little heavier than the rest. But remember that the guy with crooked teeth is convinced no one give him a shot either, as is the woman with 2 from a marriage, as is the shy person, the person with a traumatic past you get the idea.

First I would have someone evaluate your appearance and general approach maybe a friend or a neighbor you're close to? A sister or cousin? Ask them to be very honest and give feedback. Some things might be simple enough to alter a bit hair looks unkempt, clothes are outdated, not clean-shaven and present a better first impression. I think looking at the clubs is probably a losing bet. You'll have tons of competition from every in there.

You would probably do better if you met a girl under different circumstances. This is old advice I'm sure you've heard before, but you should get involved in some different activities.

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You're in the Bay Area, which means there are thousands available. You could play an instrument in a community music group, take a language class, volunteer, a hiking club I would pick new activities to try, and make sure they are ones that appeal to both sexes, even better if they tend to be more heavily female.

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Your issues with porn Personally, I think porn is fine within limits, but you use it then hate yourself.

THAT is not a sexual experience. Are there other areas of your life where you put yourself into situations that ultimately make you feel badly about yourself? Self sabotage like that can be really destructive to both you and your marriage.

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I you'll consider finding help for that tendency. It's worrisome. Your issue with your husband watching porn first, try to remove the feeling that his watching it is somehow a personal attack on his attraction and satisfaction with YOU. I would wager it has little to do with his and for you. People use it for all different reasons, and mostly for quick convenience. My opinion changes however if he is ONLY viewing porn and isn't satisfying your needs.

It would be worth a conversation about how you both feel about it though. I'm always leery of total bans, as I think it can promote dishonesty between a couple, but that is for both of you to work out together. The fact that you are worried about talking to him. THIS is the most concerning imo. I'm glad to that you are working up the courage to do so and that it sets a deeper standard of honesty between you.

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I would be very careful not to let your feelings and experience with porn cloud your ability to hear him out and let him be honest with you. Have you thought about what you are going to say to him? I think you be setting yourself up for unrealistic expectations.

I above where you say lust outside the marriage bonds are not permissible. While I whole heartedly agree that ACTING on lust outside the marriage is horrid, it is an impossibility to think that the entire planet somehow stop being attractive because you wear a ring.

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