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Yes, it's possible to prevent a breakup — sometimes. Here's how you might be able to save your relationship before it falls apart. If there's one thing I've learned over the years, it's that worrying about an impending breakup is one of the most nerve-wracking, self-esteem depleting, vile experiences you can ever get while dating or being in love.
In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else. Nothing stays new forever, though. Things change as couples get to know each other better.
For many, the pain of letting go and ending a meaningful relationship is so great that they go back again and again to the same partner.
This creates a kind of permanent insecurity: When together they feel desperate to keep things okay, walk on eggshells, and dread the inevitability of another argument, but when they are not together, they feel alone and abandoned, and experience a pervasive sense of having messed up the "one good thing" they had going in life. The reality is that if you have been in a repetitive break up-make up cycle, it is very likely that this relationship is surviving only because of fear — the fear of being alone, of abandonment, or of never again finding How to avoid breakup.
These fears can keep people trapped in a cycle of on-and-off love. If this describes you, recognize that this is no way to live. If you allow yourself to break it off once and for all, you open up the opportunity of finding a love that brings consistent happiness and security.
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Part of what sustains the break up-make up cycle is that when you are upset, How to avoid breakup are very upset, and may feel determined to leave the relationship. You see all the flaws clear as day, and you want out. But then the loneliness and fear begin to seep in, and you talk yourself out of all that — or your partner talks you out of it, and before you know it, you're back together. The next time you feel fed up and angry with your relationship, write down exactly what is upsetting you and how long you have felt this way.
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Look back over this from time to time: You will likely see a pattern of the same fights and issues triggering the same sets of negative feelings with no real solutions or changes in behavior. Recognize that you are not going to escape these issues by making up.
Next time you do break up, reread the journal to remind yourself of the repetitive issues that never seem to get better. If you have been in a break up-make up pattern for a while, then you may have been living in a vacuum.
You spend your time thrilled to be back with your partner and so you invest only in him or her. Or you spend your time apart from your partner, filled with angst and upset. It's time you let new energy in, so that if and when you break up again, you will have other aspects of your life to fulfill you.
Fully invest in your friendships, revisit old hobbies, or take on a new interest. Consider yoga or some other regular wellness ritual. The goal is not to let the breaking up-making up cycle consume all of your time and energy by carving out space separate from your partner that is yours alone.
Let's stay together
Two things typically make it hard for people to break up — fear of being alone, and not knowing how to break up. When in a break up-make up cycle, you may feel as if your partner is the only person on earth who will ever truly desire you or who can ever fulfill you.
While broken up and lonely, you start to idealize your partner and romanticize the relationship, pushing aside the heartache and difficulties. The reality is that people have the ability to fall in love multiple times over the course of a lifetime. Take time away to reflect and to be alone — this is a skill that can be cultivated, but you have to practice.
Find things that fulfill you or make you feel safe when alone — reading, watching TV, meditating, journaling, or cooking.
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Show that you can enjoy yourself by yourself. Most of us are not taught how to break up or let go of a relationship. Men fear disappointing women, and women fear not being liked by their partner. As I describe in my workbook,letting go—and really meaning it—can be extremely liberating.
And why it matters.
Show yourself that you can let go of something to get something healthier or to become a healthier person. Compassionately tell your partner that this time you really mean it: You have to end the union for both of your sakes. Then agree to not speak or see each other for a prolonged period of time.
If you keep in contact and keep hashing out old conflicts, then it will be exponentially harder to stay broken up. Jill Weber, Ph. Jill P. Weber, Ph. Weber Ph. Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy.
We employ a lot of techniques when trying to prevent a breakup, but not all of them are created equal.
Posted March 9, Share. About the Author.
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