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To you, she's absolutely perfect. She's got a gorgeous face, perfect body, brilliant mind -- in short, she's the girl of your dreams. To her, however, you're a "really nice guy.
In the beginning, it's exciting. You can't wait to see your BF or GF — and it feels amazing to know that he or she feels the same way. The happiness and excitement of a new relationship can overpower everything else. Nothing stays new forever, though.
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This is just driving me crazy. I've been close friends with this girl for years and just recently have we started hanging out a lot in person. I haven't actually admitted my feelings, but we've both talked about it via a beat around the bush type of way and I think she was pretty clear in her views of me.
Staying just friends with a girl that i like
We had this conversation about two weeks ago. After that conversation I tried to be relieved. I thought, "Wow. Now you know. Time to focus your attention on another girl. This girl dominates my thoughts.
I've dreamed about her three nights in a row now, and it's not even anything dirty! I literally dream about just helping her out in dream-like situations, of course, but still!
And I just woke up from a dream where the majority of it was her sleeping on my arm. In person I act normal when we hang out if anything I've acted more "brothery" since finding out she probably-most-definitely doesn't reciprocate my feelingsand in truth it's not that hard for me to do.
It's not like I get lost looking in her eyes and I can't function. When we're together, acting normal isn't an issue. It's when we're NOT that's the problem. Is this what love is? I've always thought love outside of family members was just something I couldn't grasp, but I think this is the closest I've ever been to it. I like everything about her and I feel this need, deep within, to help and protect and support her. Sure, I also want to kiss and all that, but really that's all secondary to the other stuff.
I hope I don't come off as crazy; I really just need advice as how to make this go away, because it's not by itself. If anything, the feelings have gradually been intensifying. I obviously don't want to lose her friendship. I enjoy being around her way too much.
But when she gets a boyfriend, and I know she will soon enough, it is going to be painful for me. Will these feelings pass after a while? Or am I being a bad person by staying her friend when I have strong feelings for her? Any advice is much appreciated as I've never been in this situation before.
NotYou Registered User regular. October Go flirt with other girls.
Sterica Yes Registered User, Moderator mod. October edited October If you cannot get over your feelings to such an obsessed degree, then I suggest staying far, far away. Yes, this might risk losing the friendship, but it's possible that time away from her will allow you to get your head together and, to be blunt, get the hell over it.
Then you can being friends. Shit, explain that to her and you might make things easier. Then just be with other people. Try to woo other females. But yes, your feelings are definitely entering an unhealthy territory, and it's not fair to your friend to have that time bomb looming over the platonic relationship. Sterica on October Disrupter Registered User regular. If you are obsessing over a girl like this, you need to come to grips with your life without this girl in it.
It doesnt mean you cant remain friends with her. But until you are perfectly happy living day to day without the promise of seeing her or what not, you are not in a good space. Id suggest backing off on the relationship quite a bit.
Best way to do this is to get yourself BUSY. What are your How to be friends with a girl you like Aside from her, if you can start dreaming up your perfect life, what is missing? Work to accomplish that for a bit. The Crowing One Registered User regular. The fact that you're here asking people for advice on how to stay friends tends to lean toward the white knight "you're still thinking about her constantly" sort of camp.
The only advice for you is to do your best at finding someone who you can come back to us and ask "How do I insert my [doohicker] inter her [widget]?
How to break up respectfully
Skip the middle-man and get going on non-this-girl stuffs. Meet new people. Tonight preferably.
Go to more places where you will have the opportunity, and spend less no time thinking about the other girl in the way you have been. You choose what your mind thinks about: If you are obsessing on her find something new to fill those thoughts. Preferably a new lady. So go get out there and put yourself in positions to meet new folk. As always you guys are right. I'll be heading to a party tonight. Time to be more social! Should I also cut back on how much we talk? We usually interact daily. I'll just need to be busy more often. And I hope I don't come off like a serial killer.
It's not like I have a shrine of her that I worship. Her popping into my mind constantly is completely involuntary.
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Artereis Registered User regular. How about, rather than a roundabout conversation, just be direct. If you don't feel the same way, could I have a bit of time to sort things out for myself? Skoal Cat Registered User. Yea, you need some distance to heal. Fantasma Registered User regular. You should ask her out, and let her know how you feel.
I mean, what's could go wrong? Hear my warnings, unbelievers.
We have raised altars in this land so that we may sacrifice you to our gods. There is no hope in opposing the inevitable. Put down your arms, unbelievers, and bow before the forces of Chaos! Drez Registered User regular. I was in love with my best female friend way back when I was 18 I'm 31 now. I told her how I felt, she didn't feel the same way, I took it hard, stopped talking to her for awhile, decided I was better off having her in my life as a friend, reconnected with her, and eventually grew out of my obsessive attraction toward her.
I'm not saying this will work for you, OP. It largely depends on who you are and who she is and nothing you can post in this thread will give any of us enough insight to judge that. Either tell her and see where it goes, accepting beforehand that it may go nowhere and that you may lose any sort of relationship or contact with her forever, or just distance yourself now without ever having that potentially uncomfortable conversation.
6 (non awkward) ways to approach someone you want to be friends with
My advice is to do the former. Honestly tell her how you feel. But the latter is fine too. Doing nothing but praying for her love, however, is absolutely the worst option.
23 ways to show a girl you want to be ‘just friends’ with her
So please, please, don't do that. Also, don't assume you know what's going on in her head. I don't know you, but just from reading your words it sounds like you are dreading her getting a boyfriend. If you feel the way you feel about her now, you are going to feel 10 times worse about it when it actually happens.