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How to deal with an unexpected breakup lady search boy for flirtbook

How do you cope with such unexpected heartbreak, start the healing process and perhaps learn to love again? YOU asked relationship counsellors for their advice and insights. We inflate our flaws.


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This content may not represent WebMD's most up-to-date information. Respond to your emotions with caring: You may find that your initial response to the pain is hostility, either directed at you or your ex-partner. Attacking your ex-partner does you no good — not only will it do nothing to restore your relationship, but it will also keep you feeling angry.

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Breakups can cut even deeper when they come out of left field. You may feel ashamed that you didn't see the split coming, frustrated that you missed the s, or even angry that your partner pulled the plug seemingly out of nowhere.

According to Chelsea Leigh Trescottbreakup coach and host of Thank You Heartbreakunexpected breakups are particularly painful because they tend to demolish your sense of trustwhich is what makes you feel secure enough to be physically and emotionally intimate with someone. Trescott notes that as a result of this broken trust, it's common to approach future relationships with caution, skepticism, or anxiety.

Fortunately, there are several straightforward steps you can take to help you to navigate and overcome these emotional challenges, as well as avoid closing yourself off to love in the future. First, Trescott suggests writing a list of all the ways the breakup blindsided you.

Getting this out of your head and onto a piece of paper can kickstart the healing process. Finally, next to each item, write yourself a promise about not blindsiding someone else in the same way.

And introducing some new material into your everyday life whether a self-help book or a podcast about politics — may help you to avoid obsessing over what went wrong, or jumping to hurtful conclusions. Another effective way to short-circuit the constant rumination about what went wrong is to meditate.

Trescott suggests beginning your day with a guided exercise on a meditation app to clear your mind. In fact, healing requires that you acknowledge and release all of your feelings.

That said, Trescott stresses that it's important to be deliberate about how you talk to your friends, because otherwise, they may assume you want to commiserate thus potentially prolonging your painful feelings. Keep in mind that if you need to hash out any fears or feelings with your friends, that's totally OK, too.

When they ask how you're doing, you can also let your friends know how you want to feel, so they're equipped to keep the conversation as positive as possible. In addition to making some hepace for new thoughts, try mentally reframing this breakup as the beginning of a new chapter.

Shaping the narrative allows you to take back control of your life, which is key, given that an unexpected breakup can leave you feeling powerless. So, how do you accomplish this? Trescott suggests finding fun ways to get out of your comfort zoneand hopefully, surprise yourself.

For instance, if you're feeling disengaged at your job, consider working with a career coach or school's guidance counselor or chatting with family and friends to figure out what will make you feel more fulfilled. Try looking at what you're going through as a universal experience — a rite of passage even. As a breakup coach, what I know for sure is, everyone has something they want to share about heartbreak.

Now that you know how resilient you are, you can approach future romances with open eyes and an open heart. Chelsea Leigh Trescottbreakup coach. By Rebecca Strong.

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