And more importantly how do you reach that realisation? Spouse hunting can seem very much like a job interview.
Deen, ambitions, culture, living arrangements, child-rearing philosophies, pet peeves, interests and whether they are a productive individua l, or a lazy so and so who expect you to wait on them, are all put into question. Series: Dating Diaries. How will you find a husband as an ambitious Muslim Woman? During my first few meetings with potential candidates, I felt a little on edge and being the introvert that I am, I really struggled to calm my nerves and speak openly.
I especially felt the pressure when talking to candidates when there was a strong level of interest on my part and fretted about whether the feelings were mutual. He would be a visionary — a creative, free-thinking individual with plenty of boyish charm irrespective of his rugged looks — in other words, he would be my type!
Did I meet such an individual? Did I think he was the man of my dreams? Did we end up getting married? Did I think it was for the best?
The best of amaliah straight to your inbox
Although my outlook on marriage changed slightly, having not placed a huge emphasis on physical appearance, I was still determined to find an equally God-fearing and good-looking soul. The interesting thing about candidate four was that, unlike the candidates, he was equally as nervous as I had been in my first few meetings and appeared to be very reserved and shy.
The parallel was uncanny, and I relinquished the opportunity to put someone else at ease by steering and taking control of the whole conversation, which was an empowering moment. As trivial as it sounds, attraction for me has always been a big factor in my quest for the perfect husband. As a practising Muslimah, marriage marks the first step in a romantic relationship with the opposite gender and after all that waitingI was not going to settle for anything less than my Mr Darcy. In line with Islamic teaching we should seek someone who we are physically attracted to.
But to what extent are we willing to go? How does one take that plunge to override unrealistic fantasies with the confidence that this person will treat you with unconditional love and respect, and in time you will grow to find the person someone whom your heart yearns for time and time again, and not just a physical infatuation which will fade with time?
After my succession of setbacks with all the candidates and realising that good looks can only for so much, I knew it was high time to put my undivided trust in Allah SWT. Tawaqal being that you put your full, undivided faith in Allah, knowing that He almighty will take care of you, even when things look impossible.
So, for the first time during this process, I raised my hands in earnest, praying for the right person to be sent my way — the person who would love, honour, respect and adore me from the day we married to the day we meet our Lord. And who so followed after this duaa? Well none other than Candidate four!
So, I decided to carry on and agree to another meeting. From there, things progressed: the meetings continued, checklist items ticked, things were going smoothly, a rapport was being built and then only one conclusion remained — this was my life partner! There is no such thing as perfection, and by opening my heart, entrusting my soul to Allah SWT, I found my Mr Right — the most loving, generous, gentle, forgiving, beautiful soul who has become the love of my life, my confidant, my partner in crime and the sunshine to my day.
Attraction comes in all different types of forms. But attraction can also be built upon a deeper understanding of another person — from the way they treat us like the most special person on this earth to the way they shower us with unconditional love, kindness and affection. It just takes a moment to contemplate that maybe, just maybe, Mr Right is out there, but not in the form you envision!
It takes a little trust, open-mindedness, and Tawaqal in Allah to recognise the wealth of opportunities and potentials right in front of us.
Sometimes, our desperation for something causes us to forget the wisdom as to why we do not receive it, and instead we fail to acknowledge that something better has been sent in its place. It could be that you dislike something, when it is good for you; and it could be that you like something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know.
A Jamil is an English Language graduate and a communications and marketing enthusiast who has worked within the charity and non-profit sector.
Her passion of tackling social inequalities and common problems within the Muslim community have seen her writing appear in Sisters Magazine and The Muslim Vibe. She blogs at A Travellers Treasure Box. A Jamil A Jamil is an English Language graduate and a communications and marketing enthusiast who has worked within the charity and non-profit sector.