Finding your person is no easy task. And sometimes it feels like the dating pool is filled with too many frogs, not nearly enough princes thanks, Meghan Markle. So we sat down with three relationship experts, including husband and wife marriage counselor duo and authors of the 30th Anniversary edition of Getting the Love You WantHarville Hendrix Ph.
Don't feel bad the next time you turn someone down because "the chemistry" just isn't there.
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McMahan says initially women are drawn to men based on attraction. Do I feel energized when I talk to this person? These are qualities that help to establish a foundation, to form a deeper connection, and a relationship with this person," McMahan says.
It's difficult to build a relationship with someone who's closed off. This is a big one, because it has three parts.
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If you're not familiar with the third part, Hendrix explains that it means you can count on him to be predictable, reliable, and that he's essentially someone you could rely on if you owned a home together or had with him. If you've ever felt less than or silenced in a relationshipit might be because your partner wasn't treating you as their equal.
It's okay to want to influence not change your partner. In fact, McMahan says research by John M. Gottman who studied what makes happy couples happy shows that relationships are more successful when men allow themselves to be influenced by their partners. Man looking for a man open to being influenced means the man shows awareness of his partner's emotions and needs, and responds to them.
That means someone who stays focused on the talker — rather than looking at their cell phone or other distractions — but this goes both ways.
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A woman should be emotionally present while her ificant other is talking, and she should expect him to do the same in return. But being present also includes being responsive, Hendrix says.
Meaning when someone texts or calls their partner, the other person should respond as soon as possible, or let them know if it's going to be awhile before they can respond. It's important that you feel like your partner is interested in you. Instead of judging a person about their actions and what they do, be curious about it.
Wonder why they dress that way or why they act like this," Hunt says. However, she warns that you don't want a person who interviews or grills you in conversation. Hendrix says this one is non-negotiable.
They want to say 'With you I feel safe. I don't have to be defensive. I know that when I'm around you, I'm going to be okay,'" Hendrix says.
If your man is trying to change youthen he isn't the man for you. You don't want someone who doesn't ask for what he wants. They don't feel like they can ask for anything, so they don't tell the woman they're dating that they'd like a back rub every now and then or a foot rub.
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