My end game here is not to get into a psychological debate. My goal is to save you time, energy, anxiety, dignity, and the regret of living a life half-lived. Looking back, these people were a very different animal but the same common-denominator species as prominent figures in my childhood who were highly narcissistic and toxic.
And as much as these people loved me, their behavior made me question my worth. They also instilled a sense of responsibility that I took on for their emotional well-being and shortcomings. As a kid, I remember believing that my failures and lack of value were the reason that conditions were put around love and acceptance that was given unconditionally to others. As an adult, I had the power to actually change my environment.
But because I was never given access to the innate tools to do so, I froze in toxic relationships.
The narcissists that I had relationships with in my adult life activated my own reverse narcissism. Ducks CAN dress up as swans though.
Narcissistic ex? here are 5 communication tips
If you suffer from low self-esteem, narcissistic misrepresentation will ignite investigation rooted in self-blame more than what it really needs to ignite: FLUSHING, cutting off, and taking the rose-tinted glasses off so that you can actually see that those flags are RED. Can a narcissist change? Human beings are capable of the most incredible transformations and most of us only operate using one fraction of the capacity that we have within.
Them proposing to a blonde on a plane just before skydiving while holding a cat, and declaring love for their new, all-vegetarian lifestyle. This is how narcissists build teams and harems.
This is the only way these people can feel a sense of ificance — by draining you of yours. This negation is the cheapest form of attention-mongering because it alters reality as you know it. These tactics are purely agenda-driven. They have nothing to do with you other than the only form of oxygen for narcissists: your reaction to them. Nothing devastates these people more or brings out their true colors faster than speaking with your actions and remaining silent. I think everyone is capable of changing.
For a narcissist to change, they would need to be able and make amends through dignified and non-egoic action. I know that this was the case for me. The person with dirty boots definitely has to be entrenched in one hell of a lot of disconnectivity, insecurity, and pain to turn someone else into their doormat. However, the fact that they can position themselves to get their needs met through manipulation AND get away with doormatting another person WHILE being pedestaled… I mean, come on.
Narcissists are empathetically bankrupt. Do they see enough wrong with the way they operate to take action instead of default back to grandiose words and more future faking promises? If someone has the capacity to doormat you, waiting for them to change is like waiting for the sky to turn green. Social media filters may make them look like a swan but they are still quacking. Here is a list of some of the most popular ones….
Is He A Narcissist? Thank You for trying so hard to help usto save us the time, the energythe emotional investment in the wrong people….
Why do our exes with narcissistic personality disorder come back?
I totally recognized me there. Just like You did, i am spending so much time analyzingoverthinking the behaviour and what my ex did to me and why he did it etc…. The hardest thing. Can this post relate also to someone who : when it gets too hard he is trying to avoid taking the responsibility and left the important decisions on me?
Someone who when i prove my statements about something to be true starts crying cause he had no other choice or arguments to say. Who when it gets hard… i felt. Someone who is looking for the easiest way out and trying not to push himself to hard accept when its for his own stuffs.
I am not sure whether what i have described is the so called narcissistic type…or is just one coward who will NOT change as well and will always put him on first place …. Hi Sandy!
Love you soul sister. After a few moments I came across a pic posted by a friend from back in the day.
It was a group selfie. Herself, random dude, random girl and HIM. This pic was the first reminder of his existence that I have been exposed to in months since we FINALLY parted ways after a brutal breakup that culminated in him cheating on me because I, at the time, was having a hard time dealing with the passing of a close friend and was falling apart and was turning to him for emotional support. And YET, all it took was that one picture and I knee-jerked back into pining, sadness, feeling less-than and wondering what-I-did-wrong-to-lose-someone-like-him.
Now the good thing was that after a fantastic yoga class I snapped out of it. But it just goes to show the power that emotionally unavailable narcissists can have and the havoc they can wreak if you allow them to. My last relationship was a classic example of ignoring red Narcissistic ex husband wants me back, door-matting for someone that had no trouble dumping their shit-covered boots on me time and time again and all the while feeling like I was not being a good enough boyfriend and believing there was something inherently wrong with me.
That is what I did and even though I still have my moments where I will knee-jerk back into feeling less-than, I just remind myself that I need to refocus my energies from my ex which is a complete waste of time onto myself a fantastic investment of time. Im am not sure how to categorize my ex, I was with him on and of for 15 years. I was the one that gave him a one way ticket back to his state twice, But the drinking and Drugs and mind games were ridiculous, But as I have come to realize he is exactly like my father, just not as extreme, no physical abuse or torcher.
But the lies just flowed out of his mouth and he was a very smooth talker even though he was very insecure with himself, but he did love himself more than anything or anyone in his life including his children. He would take longer than me to get ready and would always stare at himself in any mirror.
But he had no problem with me having more money than him accually he wanted me to pay for everything. I have Narcissistic ex husband wants me back that he knew the right things to say but he never did nor did he do the right things. He stole from me and he was constantly looking for things to do to me for payback, This sick person stole my dead dogs remains and a bear collection and blocked my after 15 years. He now lives in his oldest daughters basement and this house belongs to his ex-wife that he left her for me, but they continue to protect him.
My husband’s narcissistic ex-wife wants him back (here’s what to do!)
He has byracial grandchildren and he refers to them with the N word his youngest daughter accused him of molesting her when she was younger and he calls her a whore, but his oldest daughter that acted more like the mother and wife protects her father. And I have seen a daughter that had an inappropriate relationship with there father Narcissistic ex husband wants me back this sick behavior even after they were grown and married.
I forgot to mention that his children would not speak to him for 10 yrs after the divorce from the mother, and yes I know he has put all the blame on me. I have heard the stories that he has told people about me…Because of my childhood I suffer from PTSDserver depression and anxiety and I was in counseling when I met him and I had become so much better, until he started playing mind games with me. But it was my worse nightmare, the list of things that I forgave him for is enough for a book.
After trying to celebrate his birthday he actually threw my car in park took my keys and ran down the road and caught a cab to go back to my Condo pack his things and ran back to the state he was from.
We had been married for a year and half by this time, But he left me in the middle of downtown in heels, dress, mink coat in a Mercedes. And months down the road I did take him back even though I never got an explanation for his behavior, and sadly that was only the beginning of the nightmare.
They both told me they had not slept together or had sex the last 10 years he was there, but she let him stay in the basement when he was in town. I have contacted his family and asked them to return my things, I told them if you want me to go away then give me my things he stole from me and I will know he will have nothing of mine to try and get back into my life, but they just ignore me.
I know the things can be replaced but I do plan on taking all of them to court to show them these are my things and if you choose to protect him you choose to pay the price, and I payed a hefty price because of this Sociopath for years. Honestly this is person that deserves to be in jail for the rest of his pathetic life.
And I can actually prove the illegal things he has done but no one wants to hear me. A man that wants to be a man not a little boy, or a drunk,drug addict, I am a very strong woman with my own thoughts and opinions. But I have other woman trying to know me down and be the quite shy person I was for many years, I find it sad that I cannot find strong women to support me, and yes I see a counselor every week, but I refuse to let this issue go until I feel that I have put some type of road block up for this disgusting person.
And he would still be with me but I threw him out when I found drugs hidden in the bathroom and stopped sleeping with him for the last 5 years. He would never let me say anything against his ex even thought he called her lots of names, I was not allowed to say anything against anyone he knew, he would tell me to shut up. And I did see the two sides of him he worked construction but never spoke the vulgar language around me, but I did over hear him one time with his coworkers until he seen me and he switched behavior.
Everything he did he had a reason behind it or a motive.
He expects the world to be handed to him on a silver plater and never having to work for it. I would love to put up a website just for him so maybe everyone would come together and stop him. I recently called the company he worked for and is now seeing for workmans comp to explain his injuries were from his bad behavior of drug use and alcohol abuse and falling down run injuring himself.
Seriously what kind of person steels the remains of your dog??? LOVE this. Thanks for sharing?? I cannot thank you enough for sharing this nor even being to express how many people you have helped through your honesty, vulnerability, empathy, and pain.