How fast should you answer online dating messages?
Picture this online dating scenario:. Sadly, this is a typical story.
Some people, however, get much better. We will not be dispensing generic advice.
Easily improve your online dating response rate
At least in terms of using your time efficiently, your messages should be much shorter. The y-axis is reply percentage; the x-axis is message length, in characters; and the two lines are as follows. Red is the ratio of messages that get any reply. Green is the ratio of messages that get a reply that in turn gets replied to by the original sender.
The idea is that this is the ultimate goal of the first message: to start a conversation with someone. Messages sent by guys are, overall, only about half as likely to get replies as similar messages from women.
Why does your response time matter
All those were actual first messages, by the way. Now, our graph clearly shows that in raw terms, it helps guys to write longer messages.
But when we factor in the actual time it takes to compose a given message, it becomes clear that in terms of time put in vs. If we imagine that people type messages at about characters per minute, we get the following table:.
Yes, brevity is key. Something we learned building SparkNotes, in our pre-OkCupid days. Savor this advice, men, for there are not many things in your world that fit this paradigm.
For women, the most efficient message is even shorter. The shortest messages get almost the best absolute response rate, and the reply rate actually goes down as messages approach extreme length. Apparently, after about words charactersyou start scaring people off.
A message like that is the online equivalent of a face tattoo. Of your life story.
Here's how many messages men have to send to women on a dating site to be sure of getting a response
Incredibly enough, the optimal first outreach from a woman to a man is just 50 characters long! On the one hand, such a superficial reality is depressing. No human has read any actual user messages.
So the first data point on the graph is messages of length 0—50, next is 51—, and so on. Give OkCupid. Medium is an open platform where million readers come to find insightful and dynamic thinking. Here, expert and undiscovered voices alike dive into the heart of any topic and bring new ideas to the surface.
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