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Pew Research Center has long studied the changing nature of romantic relationships and the role of digital technology in how people meet potential partners and navigate web-based dating platforms. This particular report focuses on the patterns, experiences and attitudes related to online dating in America. These findings are based on a survey conducted Oct.


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With all of the social networking and online dating sites out there, finding a partner has become too easy. So instead of taking the time to really get to know somebody, everyone is too busy expecting the next, better option to come along. Dating apps give us the illusion of choice.

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I lead a busy life so why not take out my phone and let it do the work for me?

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This is great! The other person put no effort or investment into this and I put no effort or investment into this and now we are talking because the internet says so and, like, oh my God, Online dating too easy could go wrong? So the two of you decide to meet. Neither has any expectations and, yet, somehow, hope still runs high since the idealism that comes from the sheer anonymity of it all is strangely exhilarating. After all, neither of you has been tasked with being a person yet. This is already so much better than my last relationship, I think, where I had to, like, move my arms.

Personhood is rough, man. So you meet. Come to think of it, it was really quite amazing. So far, this person is perfect.

Dating in a vacuum is wonderful. How did you manage to luck out so well?

So you do it again. You do it a couple more times. And slowly this perfectly conjured cyborg starts to be transformed into an actual human being: His tone was bossy, you were 20 minutes late, that sneeze was fucking offensive.

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Abort mission! One or both of you need to put in the effort to communicate frustration, but effort is not what this was based on. It sucks when people start doing what people do. In addition, each of you also has to start fitting each other into your schedules.

This takes work. Work was not part of the equation.

Right about now is when things stop feeling unrealistically easy and one or both of you start getting busy. So busy. All kinds of busy.

You know, the kind of busy where I just have to finish knitting my cat mittens or she might die from this newly discovered lethal condition called cold paw syndrome. And you need to polish your penny collection tomorrow or the whole economy will collapse. Duty calls and you must answer. You do you, you societal savior, you!

But…um…only until they, too, become people. Or something.

30% of u.s. adults say they have used a dating site or app. a majority of online daters say their overall experience was positive, but many users – particularly younger women – report being harassed or sent explicit messages on these platforms

Because, honestly, which part of intimate, complex, human connection is housed between the Venmo icon and the volume settings? And herein lies the obvious problem: Personal connection is not deed to be easy in the way that technological dating apps are deed to be.

If we want to create meaningful relationships, we need to put in the work to make that happen. We are already off to a bad start if we condition ourselves to believe that romantic relationships are as easy as swiping right on a cellular gadget. So here is a novel thought: Challenge yourself to go out and meet people.

Be all kinds of wild and a book club because reading full manuscripts is a lost art and vintage is sexy. It will take courage.

It will take initiative. It will take investment. And you may find that incorporating these components in the beginning of a budding relationship could be a more bankable recipe for a longer lasting one.

These words are for us all. Beyond Worthyby Jacqueline Whitney. You may unsubscribe at any time. More From Thought Catalog. Get our newsletter every Friday! You're in! See you Friday. Follow Thought Catalog.