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Saying no in a relationship chica seeking boy especially for naughties

If so, you are certainly not alone! Many of us are taught to be people-pleasers and say yes automatically, even when we actually want to say no.


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You might be especially uncomfortable with saying no to your partner. Less disagreement equals less conflict, they assume. They just have a hard time voicing their opinions or needs altogether. You also may become enmeshed as a couple and less of your own person, he said. And boundaries are essential for any healthy relationship. Boundaries help you better understand your partner, know their needs and respond to them — thereby bringing you that much closer.

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9 things you should say no to in a relationship

When one or both partners don't get enough space or don't feel heard, their relationship will develop s of trouble:. These differences can create resentment, hurt and power struggles. When a couple struggles, the flow of love between them is blocked; even when they truly love one another.

On the other hand, a couple who understand boundaries and who are committed to equality and mutual satisfaction are far more likely to create love and partnership they deeply treasure. Each person has individual needs for closeness and personal space as well as other needs to feel nurtured, understood and autonomous within a relationship. Some want the freedom to be close and comforted; others want the freedom to be autonomous and unfettered. It's essential that you and your partner each know your own needs and Saying no in a relationship, communicate them, and then understand each other.

Knowing what you want and what you feel are skills essential to creating a mutually satisfying intimate relationship. In counseling, I use the tennis match metaphor to help couples understand and honor each others' needs for space. To keep your relationship in balance, especially if it's new, neither you nor your partner should do all the calling, all the planning, all the talking, all the giving, and all the chasing.

Instead, you need to learn to toss the responsibility and power back and forth like a tennis ball. This can begin in the earliest Saying no in a relationship of dating or making a new friend. Begin by making a move to show the other person you're interested in being close, then sit and wait for your partner to make a move in return. For example, make a phone call to invite him or her for coffee, or to a group going to the movies, and then, let him or her make the next invitation.

5 reasons it’s totally okay to say ‘no’ to a relationship

You can do the same thing in an already established relationship — if you feel taken for granted, just back off a little, without drama, and your partner will move toward you. If you feel overwhelmed by your partner being too aggressive, step up and take the lead, or say a simple "no, thank you" see below. The idea is to establish a balance in your relationship, which can be difficult to do if you have a strong interest in the other person, or the two of you have developed an unbalanced interaction.

Don't keep hitting balls over the net if they're not returned. On the other hand, if you never hit the ball, but always wait for the other person to do it, you aren't playing a very good tennis game, either. It's essential that you do your part, because passivity is easily interpreted as a lack of interest, and can shut communication down. If you compare what has gone on in the relationship so far to a tennis game, you will quickly see if you've been either too passive or too aggressive. The tennis match is so central to balancing all your relationships and allowing them to find their appropriate levels that I've developed some guidelines you can use to understand and promote Saying no in a relationship.

Following the guidelines will help you and your partner understand each others' needs and wants, and create natural boundaries that feel comfortable.

Relationships : learning to say "no"

It will give both of you the space and balance needed to show you are interested in what each other is saying, and want to hear more. Whether you're online, on the phone, or face to face, you need to keep the conversation going back and forth -- what I call the tennis match.

Take Turns Leave room for your partner to open topics, to express opinion, to gather thoughts and express opinions. Don't jump right in to a silence if it's not your turn.

Concentrate Listen carefully to what your partner is saying -- don't wander off Saying no in a relationship into what you want to say next. Volley Respond After your partner says something, respond directly to it, letting him or her know that you heard and understood what was said, and, if possible that you have similar thoughts or experience. Don't Argue There is definitely a place for spirited discussion in good conversation, but be careful not to get too oppositional. Your objective is to establish understanding. Return the Serve At the end of whatever you say, invite a response by adding "don't you think?

Serve Again If your partner drops the ball, ask a question about something that was said before, and give your partner plenty of time to express his or her opinion. If your tennis match goes on long enough, you'll learn a lot about each other, and you'll both feel you have "so much to talk about".

How to say "no" in a relationship

The tennis game approach is not rigid, but a flexible attitude that you can adapt to almost any situation. When you encounter a partner who is too aggressive, and overwhelms you with too many words, too much emotion and drama, or too much attention, you need to learn to set limits. If you're interested in keeping the relationship going, you also need to learn to step up and hit the ball in your partner's direction.

Learning to say 'no' or even to be silent in a neutral way is not necessarily easy, but is essential for avoiding uncomfortable situations.

Be polite, but firm when you say "no, thank you" and you will stop the other person from imposing on you. Often, saying nothing is the best tactic. Wait until your blustery partner runs out of steam, and then you can make your statement.

If no question is actually asked, you needn't volunteer, no matter how sad the story is. If a direct question is asked, you can learn to be polite, and say "I'm so sorry, but I can't. If you have trouble saying no in person, use e-mail or call when you know the other person will be out, and leave a polite refusal on their voice mail.

Often, saying no is an unconscious test. If you feel unsure about whether you're being respected, valued, or cared about, you may feel like saying "no.

Run through a scene of a situation in which you want to say "no," for example with a demanding neighbor, partner or relative, and practice saying "no" several different ways in your imagination. Watch in TV and movies for examples of people saying "no" with grace and dignity you can find them, if you look and imitate them.

Tina Tessina, Ph. She's authored more than 11 books, including "Money, Sex and Kids. Type keyword s to search.

Why saying no in your relationship is a good thing

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