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My marriage lasted eleven years. My wife and I were involved in so many different things, some together, many apart. We were restoring a house together and having children at the same time that I was working full time and finishing my education. She was also working full time.

How old am I: I'm 27 years old

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Or, maybe you found out some time ago, but the emotions are still as raw as if it were yesterday and you feel stuck? There are many husbands in your same position right now. First, I am so sorry you have found yourself in this very difficult and painful situation. You may have searched for answers to the questions of WHY your wife did this, but unfortunately the information for betrayed husbands and unfaithful wives can be harder to find.

First, this is NOT all your fault. She made her choices and you cannot blame yourself for the actions that someone else chose to make. So I will share from my perspective of what my husband said he did that helped him and what made things worse. Briefly, let me say, I was completely shocked that I was capable of even having an affair.

I've found out my partner is having an affair, what should i do?

I let my guard down and was vulnerable to it. No excuses, my behavior was awful. So I know a bit about that firsthand. You can of my story here and our marriage story here if you have a few extra minutes.

When the wife has the affair

I realize this may not always happen and a lot depends on both spouses really wanting to work on it. I just wanted to share that with you first. Self care is very important right now and can easily be the first thing you let go. You might not want to eat, but eat anyway.

People at work thought he had cancer. OR, you may want to emotionally overeat. Limit that.

This discovery has surely sent you into shock and can be as traumatic as a death in some ways. Be kind to yourself and let yourself cry when you need to.

Yes, grown men cry. Find a good counselor who will help you sort through your emotions and help give you some techniques to work through them.

That decision is yours alone. They are just there to help you sort through the pain and have an objective person to bounce stuff off. What do you have to lose? I believe there is a God who truly loves you and sees what you are going through.

How to cope when your wife is having an affair

I hope you will use this time to just cry out to Jesus and let him know your hurts and confusion. If you want to know more about what faith in Jesus even means.

This one is tricky because many of your friends and family are going to want to tell you to divorce her and may egg you own in your anger toward her. So limit who you tell and really think about if they are a safe person who will be supportive of you no matter what you eventually decide to do.

So be careful who you tell AND what advice you listen to. Forgiveness is another important subject that will come up.

Remember, forgiveness is for you more than anything. Read my post on What forgiveness is not for some more help on this subject. To summarize: There are many things you can do after finding out your wife has had, or is the middle of, an affair.

But the most important things are:. How to forgive your spouse for being unfaithful. Needing hope and encouragement?

How to survive infidelity

Take my self paced course to learn how to end your affair for good and reclaim your life. Student .

How to cope when your wife is having an affair. And sometimes the advice is not very helpful or puts the blame on you as the betrayed.

I can't stop thinking about my wife's affair

What do I mean by self-care? Eat regular healthy meals as much as possible. Get enough sleep. Give yourself space and time to grieve. Do see a good counselor, and consider prayer.

What happens after the affair—when you have kids

Be careful who you talk about the affair to. Understandably, their own opinions and defense of you being hurt will cloud their judgment. But the most important things are: self-care. Really it is. Let it out. See a counselor to help sort through feelings, and pray to God for His help right now. Be careful who you tell. Choose your confidants carefully so not to complicate life later.